For years, It seemed to that I had to control everything. It really stems from my childhood. My childhood was filled with fun yet it was filled with sometimes abousive father who devalued women and targeted my mother. So day from to day, you never knew what to expect. As an adult, I learned much more about the psychology of behavior and in fact, my father was a product of his environment. Thus learned behavior thrived. I thought his behavior did not effect me but it really did. In the last few years, i realized that it effected me in positive and negative ways. Now what does this have to do with surrender vs. personal control? Everything because I knew God and believed in him, yet I did not trust him? He knew how our father was and he put us in that situation. I questioned how could I trust him? I was a fraid of letting go and surrending to his plan. He knew of the things that I endured would strengthen me and be apart of my ministry of helping others. I have a heart for marriages and relationships. Yet I haven’t had a successful relationship but that is ok. According to Gary Smalley I don’t have to perfect or in a relationship to help people in relationships. it is a war against the family and we must be ready to fix it. So I surrender to that purpose; to see families make it. We are charged to help heal the broken and help people learn to love and laugh. Help heal the pains.